A Simpler Guide to Single Men
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In the first edition of “A Simpler Guide to Blokes”, I mentioned that men rarely say things they don’t mean in most instances, and they’ll usually omit altogether certain sentiments to avoid confrontation with their women. Instead, they’ll employ action when necessary to get their point across.
However, I’d like to highlight some common euphemisms and phrases a man will use to convey what he means. After all, for him, Man Speak is his own personal subliminal way in which he can get away without having to say a whole hell of a lot, and his words aren’t always so easy to decipher. These phrases sort of “camouflage” what he’s really feeling, instead of him having to kill himself in going all out.
1) “I’ll give you a call next week.”
This one is a pretty good indicator that he’s not taking you seriously in the slightest bit. This is a point-blank brush-off, and any attempt to interpret it otherwise is going to make you the laughing stock. A lot of women think this kind of scanty slow moving crap is a sure sign of true adoration. Nope, I’m sorry, it’s just plain lazy rejection.
Again, a guy who really likes you isn’t going to spend a single second wasted by not wooing you and trying to make you his. He won’t tell you he’ll call you next week because he’ll be calling you that day and not a minute sooner.
“I’ll call you next week” is Man Speak for “check ya later”.
2) “Can I come over to your place?”
In the courtship faze, or anywhere near after or before that period, a guy who is asking if he can come over to your place or vice versa is only out for one thing- to take a wild ride on the old soft saddle.
A true gentleman is not going to try to sleep with you if he wants to remain with you on good terms. HE KNOWS THIS. So any guy who is pressing for sex has only one intention- that is to have sex. Nothing more, nothing less.
“Can I come over to your place?” is Man Speak for “C’mon, let’s bone”.
3) “When can I see you again?”
In opposition to #1, this one is a direct indicator of his TRUE interest in you. If a man is actively making plans to be with you, that means you are a TRUE priority and it may be heading down the road to something more substantial.
A guy who wants to see more of you is a guy who wants more from you. This is a definite sign of a preliminary “I’m mad about you, let’s be exclusive” type deal. So smile and sit back and let him come to you because that’s exactly what he’s going to do.
4) “I could see myself having 3 or 4 kids.”
A man who talks about his future in terms of having kids could very well be serious, or it could just be him extending his “feelers” as far as your stance on having children. If a man early on professes his desire to have children, he may very well be seeing you potentially having his.
Then again, he may just be laying some ground work between you two as far as future expectations. If he brings this up, this is definitely a good sign but you’d best consider other hints and clues regarding your situation.
5) “Marriage is just a piece of paper.”
This guy is telling you that marriage is out of the question. Marriage is last on his priority list and he may have some deeply held beliefs as to why he doesn’t believe in marriage. It may be money, it may be parental divorce baggage, and he may just think marriage itself is trivial and unfounded.
Take his word at face value and unless marriage isn’t a real big deal to you either, don’t put any stock into a matrimonial future with this guy. He’s not going to marry you unless some lightening bolt falls out of the sky and strikes him, reprogramming his brain.
6) “Why don’t we share an appetizer and a drink?”
This spells out one thing and one thing only, “cheapskate loser”. And even more so if he offers to go dutch unless you tell him you’re picking up half the tab. Then he’s happy to have something a bit more expensive but not by much.
Cheap guys usually have stacks of money because they don’t spend any of it. Which also means he’s very wary of breaking out the bank when it comes to you, or for that matter, any woman.
I’m sorry, there isn’t any excuse in the world worthy of some guy treating his woman to anything less than the best, WITHIN REASON. You shouldn’t expect Beluga caviar, Cristal, and a Cartier watch, but he shouldn’t be taking you to McDonald’s either. A healthy respectable medium is reasonable on both sides.
If the cheap factor doesn’t really concern you, give it a shot. Though be prepared to bring in equal, if not more, monetary value into the relationship, especially since you’ll be footing the bill for all of your “unnecessary” luxuries. “Unnecessary” is the cheap guy’s favorite word and he’ll use it a lot.
7) “You really should do some extra cardio and eat more vegetables.”
This is Man Speak for “you’re a little too fat for my taste” and it is absolutely unacceptable. And it would be even more unacceptable for you to sit there and take this kind of abuse laying down.
Some men are so preoccupied with the way women look that they dot their “i”s and cross their “t”s with such sickening exactitude, he can detect an extra 5 pounds like a rat finding rotting pot stickers behind a dumpster in Chinatown.
If you feel you can compete with this guy’s perception of perfection, then do your Brooke Burke and keep up on it. Just remember, babies, aging and a decrease in hormones are going to change you into a different woman- one that he’ll pick apart endlessly.
8) “How many men have you slept with?”
This guy is looking to pass judgment on you because he has some kind of Madonna/whore complex he can’t let himself see past. He wants a good girl who is as pure and clean as the spring rain, who is also free from any filthy residual moral stain, past or present. He wants a woman he can hold to some ingrained moral code he can’t turn away from because of some bad mama’s boy experience he’s had to endure.
If you can put up with and portray the part of the all-around perfect good girl, have at it. Just don’t be surprised when he starts digging up anything he can find in order to implicate and judge you. Nobody likes to be judged, and this guy loves judging a woman against his “mommy model”. Remember, we want to be his partner, not his mother.